Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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