Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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