I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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