You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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