the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
