cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
