mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
