my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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