..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
