Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
