I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
