Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
