a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
