FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
