You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
