There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
