i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
