i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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