It's Friday. Sex?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We left the knife in your bed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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