Porn is love you can see.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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