You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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