why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
