I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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