yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
