i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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