My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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