i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
