I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
