We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
