I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
