I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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