This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
