I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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