You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
