Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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