I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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