Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i believe in u and ur pee
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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