I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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