Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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