She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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