im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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