what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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