the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize