It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
