she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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