If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Randomize
