my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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