On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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