Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
