If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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