Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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