i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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