He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
