dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
