I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
