At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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