All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize