I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize