Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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