if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
should my penis look like a turkey
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
