i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
