He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
