that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
