RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
